Talk to get kids to talk

Since this semester has started my oldest son (8 years old, 3rd grader) has been having a very hard time adjusting to me being gone more. This lead to a behavior I have never seen in him, a very anxious feeling when it came to doing math on the computer. This behavior of anxiousness, procrastination, crying and what not lead to me getting frustrated with him. I started taking away privileges that didn't seem to change his behavior, to where I was down right yelling at my son.  I didn't recognize him anymore when it came time to doing his math and he looked at me as though he didn't recognize me anymore.

While I have been attending school and would learn a new strategy, I would come home and practice on my two boys. After I read the two chapters in How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, I started to think what the book was saying and thought I would practice the strategy of talking differently (rewording my sentences and questions) to my son. I applied what I had read last night by telling my son that I noticed he is having some anxiety and feeling nervous when it came time to do his math and together we will work on what's going on. I also asked him if he was having problems, he could talk to me, he could tell me anything because if I knew what was wrong then I could help him and maybe we could fix what's wrong. If we learn to talk to each other again things will get better.  My son told me he didn't want to do the math program everyday. We worked out a compromise to where he would have to do the math everyday for 15 to 20 minutes until he can show me he is in control of his anxiety. He wasn't completely happy with that but agreed. At the end of this talk with my son, I noticed he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me "You're the best mom and I'm happy." He also said he didn't know why but he was crying but he was happy.

So after all this being said, I believe that if we work as teachers to get to know our students and let them know we are really listening to them and are genuinely interested in what they have to say we could change their behavior in our classrooms. I also believe once we really start listening to our students and hear what they are really saying to us, our responses to them will become the responses they need to hear and not the short off the bat, sometimes frustrated responses teachers and parents are used to giving.